Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t—it’s something you build, just like a muscle. And like any muscle, it grows with use. Confidence is what happens when you take what you’ve learned—your awareness of yourself, your ability to set boundaries—and start trusting yourself enough to act on it.
Think of it this way: Awareness opens your eyes. Boundaries define your space. And confidence? Confidence is what lets you step forward boldly, knowing you belong.
If you’ve ever thought, I’ll be confident once I have more experience, more knowledge, more proof that I’m good enough—pause right there. Confidence isn’t something you earn after you’ve “arrived.” It’s something you build while you’re showing up, making choices, and learning along the way. And the best part? You don’t have to wait. You can start building it today.
Let’s talk about how.
1. Embrace the Power of No
Saying “no” is one of the fastest ways to build confidence. Why? Because every time you say no to something that drains you, distracts you, or doesn’t align with your values, you’re actually saying yes to yourself. And that yes is powerful.
Here’s the trick: You don’t need to over-explain. No is a complete sentence. You can soften it with kindness, but you don’t owe anyone an essay about why you’re protecting your time and energy.
Try it:
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I won’t be able to commit to that.”
“That sounds great, but I need to honor my current priorities.”
“No, but thank you for asking!”
The more you practice, the easier it gets—and the more you’ll trust yourself to honor what truly matters.
2. Celebrate Every Win—Big and Small
Confidence thrives on recognition. And while it’s lovely to have others cheer you on, the most important voice you need to hear is your own.
Take a moment to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished—yes, even the small things! Did you speak up in a meeting? Set a boundary? Show up for yourself in a way you wouldn’t have a year ago? That matters.
Confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you’ve “made it.” It comes from recognizing how far you’ve already come.
Try this: At the end of the day, jot down one thing you did well. No matter how small. Over time, you’ll start seeing patterns—evidence that you are capable, strong, and growing every day.
3. Silence Your Inner Critic (or At Least Lower Its Volume)
We all have that voice inside that whispers, Are you sure? What if you mess this up? What if you’re not good enough? That voice is loudest when you’re stepping outside your comfort zone—which, ironically, is exactly where confidence is built.
Here’s the truth: Confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt. It’s the decision to keep going anyway.
The next time your inner critic pipes up, challenge it:
Is this thought based on facts or just fear?
Would I say this to a friend?
What’s the best that could happen?
Most of the time, you’ll realize that self-doubt is just noise. And you get to decide how much you listen.
4. Take Small (but Mighty) Actions
Confidence doesn’t come from waiting. It comes from doing. The more you take action—even small, wobbly steps—the more you reinforce the belief that you can handle challenges.
Not sure where to start? Break it down. Instead of saying, “I need to be more confident in my career,” set a smaller, doable goal:
Speak up once in the next meeting.
Reach out to someone you admire.
Take on a small challenge that stretches you just a little.
Confidence compounds. Each small win adds up, creating momentum that makes the next step feel easier.
5. Surround Yourself with People Who See Your Greatness
Confidence may start within, but it’s nurtured by the people around us. Who’s in your circle? Do they lift you up, remind you of your strengths, and encourage your growth? Or do they make you second-guess yourself?
Seek out the people who challenge you in the best way—the ones who remind you of your brilliance when you forget. And if you don’t have that circle yet, start creating it. Join groups, find mentors, or connect with like-minded people who want to see you win.
Confidence flourishes in the right environment. Give yourself that gift.
6. Remember: Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Destination
There’s no finish line where you suddenly feel 100% confident forever. (Wouldn’t that be nice?) Confidence ebbs and flows, and that’s okay. The key is to keep practicing.
Show up. Take the risk. Trust yourself.
With each step, you reinforce the belief that you are capable, strong, and worthy—because you are.
Final Thoughts
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s not about never feeling fear. It’s about knowing who you are, honoring your needs, and trusting yourself enough to take action—even when it’s uncomfortable.
And remember: You don’t have to feel confident to act confident. Sometimes, the best way to build confidence is simply to begin.
You’ve already done the work of becoming more aware. You’ve set the boundaries to protect what matters. Now, it’s time to step forward with confidence—knowing that every step you take is shaping you into the person you are meant to be.
This discussion with myself has been so profound. So profound in fact that it inspired my first real solo episode on And All the Things! You can listen to it here!
In a recent episode of my podcast, “And all the Things,” I have the privilege of interviewing Corey Hennings (#38), the host of the Sober By Design podcast. Our conversation wove deep into his journey of addiction and recovery, unraveling layers of insight and understanding. Little did I know that amidst our discussion, a profound realization would emerge—a realization that would ignite a journey of introspection and exploration.
As Corey and I explored the complexities of addiction, I found myself confronting a revelation of my own: I am addicted to Audible and podcasts. In the midst of my endless stream of audio content, I have unwittingly surrendered to the temptation of constant stimulation, drowning out the subtle (and not so subtle) whispers of my own thoughts and emotions. It was a moment of startling clarity—a recognition that amidst the noise, I have carelessly sacrificed the invaluable gift of silence.
It became clear to me that I have been contemplating this ‘issue’ for some time when I looked back to a Sermon I wrote in September titled: “Let Every Voice but God’s be Still in Me.” (from A Course in Miracles). I speak of silence with reverie and trusting the voice within. I speak honestly and with conviction. And then I probably put on my ear buds and listened to a book as I managed my day. As I reflect on this, I have to laugh at my lack of self-awareness and marvel at my ability to start the process unknowingly.
Since I have researched and understood silence for the sermon, I began to explore the word addiction. It is a dependency. A compulsion. A distraction.
And more often than not a harmful one. In talking with Corey I learned, it is something we attach to externally in order to fulfill something internally and that addiction is a complex experience unique to everyone. And this hit home. Yes, we know this is true, but when we look at the many ways we try to fill our cups (with substances, spending, sex, doom scrolling, and oh so much more), we find we need to look further.
In preparation for the podcast and as a practice of regular self-reflection, I started thinking about what I am addicted to—what I am dependent on, what I am compulsive about, what I allow to distract me from myself? I felt good that I am much closer and healthier in my relationships with food, alcohol, sleep, health, and more, but I left my relationship with silence in the shadows. As I talked with Corey, it became clear that I was externally filling myself to avoid dancing with my own thoughts.
Now, does my relationship with silence (or lack thereof) compare with other harmful relationships? No…at least not at first glance.
Can it physically harm me or someone else? No.
Can I become distracted and detached? Yes.
Can I become dependent on the stimulus? Yes.
Can I turn down my creativity and curiosity? Yes. And I did.
THIS, my friends, is tragic.
I hear you saying, “seriously”? Comparing the relationship to audio content to addiction? Is that really tragic?
The answer is yes – I am. And yes – it is. When we silence the voice within, we are silencing our divine within – our God within. This silencing of my own voice (the one that plays relentlessly and curiously in my mind) is a tragedy. Whatever we believe spiritually, there is magic in each one of us, and that unique voice should not be silenced. When we silence the voice within, we suffer and the world suffers with us.
It was in this moment of acknowledgment that my curiosity was sparked—the curiosity to explore the true value and power of silence. Because even though I lean into the Woo-Woo, I also like my proof!
In our rapidly moving and rather noisy culture, silence has become a rare and precious commodity—a sanctuary amidst the cacophony, a refuge for the soul. Mystics of yester-year understood this intrinsic need for stillness, retreating to the hills and forests in search of answers in the silence. In the tranquil depths of quiet contemplation, they discovered renewal, clarity, and communion with the divine.
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, the power of pause is often overlooked, yet it is essential for our well-being, much like the restorative power of sleep. Just as still waters run deep, it is in the serenity of silence that we unearth profound insights and awaken to the truth that lies beneath the surface.
Across diverse spiritual traditions, the importance of silence is echoed—a universal reminder of its transformative potential. Looking to Christianity to Buddhism to Judaism and beyond, we encounter the profound truth that direct language fails to capture the essence of the divine. Instead, it is through the gentle embrace of silence and mindful observation that we catch glimpses of God’s presence reflected in the world around us. Prophets, saints, and sages throughout history have sought solace in solitude, recognizing that amidst the silence, clarity emerges as the Divine within.
So there’s the Woo-Woo part, but we don’t stop with the religious or philosophical understanding, we can also look to the revelations of neuroscience which confirm the restorative power of silence, offering a confirmation for our weary minds and frayed nerves.
Here’s what I learned:
At its core, silence is not just a passive state but an active force that shapes our brains and cognition. Research in neuroscience reveals that moments of silence trigger a plethora of neurological responses. In the quietude, our brains engage in introspection, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. Functional MRI studies demonstrate increased activity in regions associated with deep thinking and creativity when the mind is allowed to wander in silence.
In a world saturated with stimuli, silence offers a sanctuary for mental health. Chronic exposure to noise has been linked to heightened stress levels, anxiety, and depression. Conversely, moments of silence provide respite from the relentless assault on our senses, allowing the mind to unwind and recalibrate. Even brief periods of silence have been shown to reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels—markers of the body’s stress response.
In silence, creativity flourishes. When the mind is unburdened by external distractions, it is free to explore new realms of thought and imagination. Studies have shown that silence enhances problem-solving abilities, promotes divergent thinking, and fosters innovation. From artists to scientists, many luminaries attribute their breakthroughs to moments of profound silence, where ideas crystallize and inspiration takes flight.
Silence is not only a balm for the brain but also a catalyst for physical healing. In the absence of noise, the body enters a state of deep relaxation conducive to restorative sleep and rejuvenation. Regular exposure to silence has been associated with improved immune function, reduced inflammation, and enhanced recovery from physical and mental fatigue. In a world plagued by the epidemic of chronic stress, silence emerges as a potent antidote—a tonic for the body, mind, and spirit.
In a culture that glorifies busyness and noise, embracing silence may seem counterintuitive. Yet, the path to true well-being often lies in the spaces between the noise—the moments of quiet contemplation and introspection that nourish the soul and allow us to make clear, confident choices. Whether through mindfulness practices, meditation, or simply seeking out pockets of tranquility in our daily lives, cultivating silence is a transformative act of self-care.
In the sacred space between stimulus and response lies the power of the pause—a moment of reflection, a pathway to clarity. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us embrace the transformative potential of silence, inviting it to infuse our being with peace and purpose.
I invite you to consider the profound wisdom found in the simple act of pausing, of allowing every voice but God’s to be still within us. As we cultivate this practice of intentional silence, may we awaken to the richness of inner peace and the boundless possibilities that unfold when we listen deeply to the whispers of our soul. Can you hear yours?
If you are ready to find the divine voice within you, you are right on time. I specialize in supporting female leaders who feel adrift, as if they’ve lost control of steering their lives toward the purpose they were destined for. On the surface, they appear to have it all together, yet inside, they are silently and violently falling apart.
They linger in the shadows of their existence, longing for the spotlight on their personal center stage. Wrestling with the cacophony of external pressures, they struggle to hear their own divine voice, resulting in dwindling self-worth, exhaustion, detachment, and silent suffering. Together, we embark on a journey to reshape their perspective, establish empowered boundaries, and cast them as the protagonists of their lives, regardless of the act or scene.
This is an invitation to be seen and to be heard but first to gain clarity through slowing down, quieting down, and raising our hearts up.
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Check out Corey and the Sober by Design podcast on Instagram!
Here are your takeaways:
Silence is Transformative: Silence isn’t just the absence of noise; it’s a powerful force that shapes our brains and well-being. Embracing moments of silence can lead to increased creativity, mental clarity, and emotional balance.
Silence Promotes Healing: Regular exposure to silence has been associated with improved immune function, reduced stress levels, and enhanced physical and mental recovery. Cultivating a practice of silence can be a powerful tool for overall health and well-being.
Silence Nourishes Creativity: In the quietude of silence, our minds are free to explore new realms of thought and imagination. Many luminaries attribute their breakthroughs to moments of profound silence, where ideas crystallize and inspiration takes flight.
Silence is a Path to Inner Peace: Amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, embracing silence offers a sanctuary for the soul. By slowing down, quieting the mind, and listening deeply to our inner voice, we can discover a profound sense of peace and purpose within ourselves.
Welcome to a journey of self-discovery and intentional decision-making. In a world filled with constant stimulation and endless distractions, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are and what truly matters to us. But by taking the time to actively and intentionally make decisions, we can become architects of our own boundaries, creating a life that aligns with our values and brings us joy. Today, let’s explore the power of the PAUSE and how it can transform our lives for the better.
As a certified Life Coach, I work with individuals and groups on an individual and group basis. Specializing in boundaries and empowerment, I work with the divine gift within all of us to find joy and to give joy in a sustainable and liberating way for all! Using holistic and science-based approaches, each individual is uniquely working toward their own goals, but we all need to learn the Power of the Pause!
The Space Between Stimulus and Response:
Have you ever noticed the moments when you react impulsively, without pausing to consider the consequences? By cultivating a habit of pausing, we create a space between the stimulus and our response. In this space lies our power to choose. It’s in this moment that we can ask ourselves, “Do I truly want to engage in this situation? Is this my responsibility? What are my options? Is there someone else who could do it?” By acknowledging this choice, we empower ourselves to respond consciously rather than reactively.
Know Thyself:
To become an architect of boundaries, we must first know ourselves. This is not about striving for perfection, but rather understanding what is divinely ours, what truly matters to us, and what we are willing to protect and share with the world. This self-awareness is unique to each of us, and it forms the foundation upon which we build our boundaries. So, take the time to pause, reflect, and embrace the joy of discovering who you are. When you know who you are, it becomes easier to know where you are going safely. As your life coach today, finding ourselves may be challenging with all of the noise today, but the intuitive and long-lasting benefits are far greater!
Embracing Curiosity:
Intellectual curiosity is the driving force behind intentional decision-making. By questioning why we do the things we do, we unlock a deeper understanding of ourselves. Curiosity encourages us to explore our desires, values, and aspirations. It propels us to examine our choices and determine what truly aligns with our authentic selves. So, let curiosity be your guide as you embark on this journey of self-discovery.
Navigating the Challenges:
Creating boundaries requires practice, endurance, and support. Just like building a marathoner’s stamina, it’s a journey that begins early and continues throughout our lives. Start by establishing your individual and partner values and goals, and revise them regularly as you grow. Engage in open conversations, using “I” statements to express your needs and desires. Remember, it’s crucial to allow others to opt-in and respect their boundaries too. Stay clear, consistent, and don’t be afraid to ask for space when needed. Taking the pause is perfectly okay.
By taking the time to actively and intentionally make decisions, we become architects of our own boundaries. We free ourselves from living a life without direction and embrace a joyful existence aligned with our true selves. The power to choose lies within the pause, the space between stimulus and response. So, I invite you to reach out to me, a life coach, for a consultation. Let’s embark on this journey together and design a life that reflects who you truly are.
Remember, it all starts with the PAUSE.
You have choices!
If you are struggling with this, please check out the perspective shifting self-guided journey with the Course for Joy. This content packed series offers you an invitation to finding and giving more joy!
In just 15 minutes a few times each week, our enlightening video lessons and engaging workbooks will guide you through self-discovery and growth.
As a special bonus, when you enroll in the “Course for Joy,” you’ll receive an exclusive 50-minute live 1:1 coaching session with me. We’ll celebrate your progress and create a roadmap for your journey ahead.
Ready to paint your life with vibrant joy and purpose? Follow this link to learn more about the transformative “Course for Joy.” Let’s amplify your joy and ignite your purpose – together. As your boundaries and empowerment coach, we will walk side by side to bring you through the hard things to find and give joy.
