Are you tired of feeling like you’re living a life that’s not true to who you really are? Are you ready to embrace your authentic self and show up in the world as the real you? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with finding their true selves and living authentically. But the good news is that there are signs that can help you know when your authentic self is shining through. Here are 7 of them:
1. Boundaries are now your superpower
When you’re living authentically, you know your limits and you’re not afraid to enforce them. You’re able to set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotions, and you’re not afraid to say no to things that don’t align with your values or priorities.
2. Your awareness has been raised around noticing behaviors
Living authentically requires a heightened sense of self-awareness. You become more in tune with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and you’re able to recognize when you’re acting in a way that’s not aligned with your authentic self. You’re also more aware of the behaviors of others and how they may be impacting you.
3. You’re more in tune with your emotional responses
One of the most important aspects of living authentically is being able to express your emotions in a healthy way. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re more in tune with your emotional responses and you’re able to express them in a way that’s authentic and true to who you are.
4. You’re able to hold multiple truths at the same time
Living authentically isn’t about having all the answers or having a single, fixed identity. It’s about being able to hold multiple truths at the same time and allowing yourself to grow and evolve over time. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re able to embrace the complexities of life and hold multiple perspectives without feeling conflicted or confused.
5. You’re ager to learn new things, cultivate deeper connections, and find more peace in your life
Living authentically is a journey, not a destination. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re always eager to learn new things, deepen your connections with others, and find more peace in your life. You’re not afraid to take risks, try new things, and challenge yourself to grow and evolve.
6. You understand that other people’s issues and projections have nothing to do with you
One of the biggest obstacles to living authentically is the opinions and projections of others. When your authentic self is shining through, you understand that other people’s issues and projections have nothing to do with you. You don’t take it personally when someone tries to bring you down or when they don’t understand your journey.
7. You feel a sense of calm and contentment within yourself, and you’re able to show up authentically in all areas of your life
Finally, when your authentic self is shining through, you feel a sense of calm and contentment within yourself. You’re able to show up authentically in all areas of your life, from your personal relationships to your professional endeavors. You’re not afraid to be yourself, and you know that your authentic self is worthy of love, respect, and acceptance.
If you’re struggling to connect with your authentic self, a certified life coach can help you navigate the journey. A life coach can help you identify and overcome the obstacles that are holding you back from living your most authentic life. Remember, the journey to self-discovery is a rewarding one, and you are worth it!
Here’s the trouble with being a good parent – it’s impossible to get just right when the rules of engagement change every day. Let me lay it out for you:
The expectation in the beginning: I will be the best parent ever. The books I will read will help me do it just right. I learned so much on my journey, certainly I can make the world right for this tiny human. Everyone else has done it perfectly, so surely I can.
The reality: I feel like I am failing. I am too tired. I am not enjoying all of this like I am supposed to. I am not nearly as good as the parents I see around me. I am not enough for my kids.
The hard truth: You are not perfect. You are a parent. You are a human. You are a hero. And you are likely a hot mess.
The real struggle here is to remedy the conflict between who we are trying to be and who we are authentically meant to be. The struggle is to revamp the expectations and be clear on what we will use to measure ourselves.
How do we do it: We identify our values, our goals, and our opportunities. Then we bust out our obstacles.
Why do we do it: The cycle will continue unless we change it, and the cycle can be dark.
The real goal: Let them become who they authentically are (especially in a way that you were never offered). This is where we avoid the ”Encanto Effect”. You know, where each character has a special gift (which sounds totally awesome), but that gift becomes their defining feature and smothers the exploration of other talents and emotions and experiences.
What gifts did you withhold in the name of pleasing others and aligning to their expectations? What gifts are still waiting to be revealed? What gifts can you help your kids explore?
Whose perfection are you seeking?
In martial arts, we practiced the Dojo Kun – the way of being within the dojo and out in the world shared through 5 simple mantras. One was, “Seek Perfection of Character”. What this reminds me is that we are not practicing to be perfect performers. We are practicing to:
SEEK: attempt or desire to obtain or achieve
PERFECTION: the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible. For our purposes today – let’s focus on the process of improving to meet standards of our own choosing.)
of CHARACTER (the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual)
When I sum that up I get this: one must desire/attempt the act of improving the qualities unique to them. This reminds us to open the pathway of their journey, grab some pom-poms, and start cheering them on. The critical answer here is understanding we should each be seeking our OWN perfection only to be found on our own journey which means we have to let them become.
But this is scary. To allow them to become something unknown – to figure life out on their own terms is freaking scary. The thought of letting them struggle or endure sadness is intolerable. The record in my brain kept playing this dreaded tune on repeat: “a good parent makes sure their kids are happy, safe, and comfortable all the time, and you will be a good parent.”
I always told my kids that my job was to protect them. When I began saying it, I deeply meant to protect them from all things bad and dangerous. For my brand new babies, it was quite literally making sure they stay alive. I was comfortable with my proclamation of protection. Then as they grew, I realized it wasn’t just the protection of physical safety I was promising but also I was trying to protect them from suffering. I wanted to keep the monsters not only out of the closet but out of the state, the country, and everywhere. I wanted a life for them free of suffering.
BUT Life is not just made of happiness. The inevitability of life is just this: we will endure both the highs of happiness and the lows of suffering. Neither will remain. Neither can be anticipated. We can only be in the moment and be aware that the next moment changes. My kids will encounter some of the truly deepest feelings of celebration and exultation, and they will be faced with some impossible situations and feelings.
If I block their experience from suffering, I will deny them the necessary opportunity to learn to manage their great big feelings in a way that will help navigate their journey. I cannot buffer them from suffering. That is on them to manage. My job is to instill the desire and the courage to protect themselves, to trust themselves, and to enjoy themselves.
So while it pains me to watch my kids struggle with anything, I also know I want to raise happy, healthy, independent, financially stable, contributing members of society who are unique and sure of who they are. However they choose to do it, I will support them, but I know today that I owe it to them to teach them to find their joy amidst the happiness and suffering as they embark upon this bumpy, beautiful journey.
I won’t tell you it‘s easy – But I will tell you time and again that you can endure it with more joy for you and for them. And I will tell you that I have your back. In this coaching practice, we will dig into what values drive you at your core, what aspects of life you are tolerating, and which resources can be tapped to help you bring your best self back to life. We will do this for you and to help you love the people who count on you!
You don’t have to be a good parent in all the ways and in all the things, but setting your sights on seeking the perfection of your unique character will make you great!
You are worth it, and the world needs all of us to shine brighter.
Growing up I believed in all the things: Santa was the maker of Christmas joy, the tooth fairy was practically a stealthy Tinkerbell, if I swallowed chewing gum it would remain in my belly for 7 years, and shots weren’t going to really hurt…it was just a prick. I believed fervently in the reality of these beliefs – these truths were truer than true. I was a kid.
As time passed on, I realized (with fervor) the error of my belief system: Each of these truths turned out to be merely a myth. My parents, our church, and our community were the true makers of Christmas joy, and my parents also picked up the role of tooth fairy (which I have learned isn’t the easiest of roles to fulfill) and diminished my hope that a glitter dripping, floating fairy was hanging out every so often and cleaning up my unneeded teeth. I learned that gum does not in fact reside in the comfort of my belly for 7 years, and I learned that chewing gum was actually really bad for you and overly frequent use would inspire a visit from the aforementioned tooth fairy. And finally, I learned that shots at the doctor do indeed hurt, they are not merely a prick, and a dessert treat at the end just isn’t enough for the torture.
My myths were busted. I recall learning the truth about Santa – something I am desperate to protect from my own children (10 and 7). I remember the disappointment and idea that the whole world had lied to me – that my parents had lied to me. All of this was as true and as real as the myth I once held about Santa’s devotion to my life, my behaviors, and my happiness. My let down was real. But something else was too – the joy and the happiness and the generosity all came from somewhere and were VERY real. But it came from a lot of work and devotion and effort. My parents and their devotion to my life, my behaviors, and my happiness was the real truth.
But then I began to question the validity of other beliefs I continued to hold as an adult. One that springs up again and again is the myth about balance. Have you heard it? The one where we encourage one another to maintain balance and to keep life and its abundant expectations in a form of stasis? We are told we should be able to maintain calm and perspective and carry the many burdens that can throw us off our balance game. We are told that success comes from keeping equitable the responsibilities of our health, our family, our jobs, our communities, and our world – all while keeping the bills paid, the house cleaned, and the Pinterest inspired cupcakes impeccably decorated – all without complaint. We are told a lot about balance.
Much of this is simply a myth. Yes – it all sounds so aspirational and lovely, but without understanding what balance really is, we will find ourselves in our own form of stasis when we were given the gift to be uniquely dynamic, powerful, and ever changing.
I am a huge fan of the ocean. There is so much power and authority in the ocean, and maintaining balance in Posiedon’s domain is a super important aspect of our geological demands. Each day, just as the earth turns, the ocean manages its tidal balance by ebbing and flowing and adjusting and looking rather rough and looking rather placid – this is what balance looks like for the ocean. One thing it never, ever, ever is, is static. It maintains its balance by changing, shifting, growing – by enduring discomfort in the lows and celebrating determination in the highs. The ocean shows us with unexpected unknowns what balance is.
Webster defines it as “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions”, and I cannot disagree with this. It isn’t the dictionary that got us all mythed up with respect to balance: It is us, our culture, our expectations. These are the culprits of our balance myth. We are not meant to hold it all in one place. We are not meant to remain still as we keep all of our plates from spinning out of control. We are meant to be in motion – to be under, around, within the motion.
During my black belt training, the mantra for our dojo was “Find the Right Balance”, and this has stuck with me since then. In martial arts, nothing stays static – we are always in motion. Shift from this leg to that leg OR this part of the leg to that part of the leg (think weight on the toes versus weight in the hip to push forward). We shift to deflect attacks with our arms and our bodies as we dodge and move the inflicting energy away from us. We maintain our strength by never standing fixed in one place unchanged but instead to keep the energy moving in anticipation of what is coming our way. We maintain balance because we have momentum moving forward – despite our precarious steps or our missed kicks or the hits we undoubtedly took. We keep our balance only from adjusting with the weight. In each moment we were required to find our balance knowing that the next moment would require a new place of balance.
In this time, balance was the most striking thing for me. I was teaching and coaching and getting married and socially active and all the things. I was busy. I was learning. And I was overwhelmed in so many ways. I wanted to be a great teacher, wife, daughter, neighbor, friend, and individual, but I struggled to stand there and hold it all balanced.
This permission to ‘find the right balance’ was so critical and it replaced the previous mantra of “maintain balance”. I understood that balance was not a place you go with a cute bubble on a GPS map, it was, in fact, the journey. Finding balance IS the journey.
When we replace the myth that we must hold it all without wavering with the belief (that can then bore behaviors) that to find balance we must expose and endure the imbalances of our situation and thinking. We must be ready to change.
For me this looks like releasing the need to be (or at least appear to be) perfect. This looks like releasing judgement when I stumble (literally and figuratively) and eliminating self-criticism as I manage my spinning plates. These are not easy releases – especially at the holidays – but easy doesn’t cut it when it comes to being authentically me. When I think of taking it the easy way, I think of my daughter’s Easy Bake Oven. It’s packaged well and appears to have it all; however, the result is always crap. Tiny little, tasteless results, but they were easy, and they look so cute.
I have learned that hard isn’t always fun, but it is usually worth it. There certainly are times to take the easy way when it comes to navigating traffic and ordering groceries online, but these I would label as smart conveniences – not managing the magnitude of life’s bullets. Doing the harder things may create some current inconveniences but will allow for longterm, repeatable satisfaction.
The work I do in my coaching practice is grounded in identifying our core values, establishing targets for our journey, and building practices to guide us there. The work I do with my Light Seekers (a little moniker I use for the bright souls I work with), allows us to identify the myths we hold true and then bust through them even when they bring some disappointment and change. The difference is, that we do not have to do it alone. We do not have to bust up Santa’s game leaving the afflicted to mourn alone. We can shift the perspective from, ‘someone took my Santa’ to ‘I was given a new source of hope and purpose’. This shift is the key to finding joy. This shift allows us to see not what we believe but what truly is and truly can be.
As we enter the holiday season and the joyful chaos that accompanies it, let us find the right balance. Let us not find comfort in our disjointed stasis. Let us reach within to find our light so that we may shine it out for the world to be illuminated.
Balance is not a place to be or a way of being or a fixed location – Balance is the resilience to adhere to our authenticity and wellness despite the factors influencing us. Balance is always there waiting for it knows that chaos is, too. But finding the right balance is a reminder to remain in motion and to remain in hope that we can do these big (and little) things, and we can always find joy within them.
