Welcome to a journey of self-discovery and intentional decision-making. In a world filled with constant stimulation and endless distractions, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are and what truly matters to us. But by taking the time to actively and intentionally make decisions, we can become architects of our own boundaries, creating a life that aligns with our values and brings us joy. Today, let’s explore the power of the PAUSE and how it can transform our lives for the better.
As a certified Life Coach, I work with individuals and groups on an individual and group basis. Specializing in boundaries and empowerment, I work with the divine gift within all of us to find joy and to give joy in a sustainable and liberating way for all! Using holistic and science-based approaches, each individual is uniquely working toward their own goals, but we all need to learn the Power of the Pause!
The Space Between Stimulus and Response:
Have you ever noticed the moments when you react impulsively, without pausing to consider the consequences? By cultivating a habit of pausing, we create a space between the stimulus and our response. In this space lies our power to choose. It’s in this moment that we can ask ourselves, “Do I truly want to engage in this situation? Is this my responsibility? What are my options? Is there someone else who could do it?” By acknowledging this choice, we empower ourselves to respond consciously rather than reactively.
Know Thyself:
To become an architect of boundaries, we must first know ourselves. This is not about striving for perfection, but rather understanding what is divinely ours, what truly matters to us, and what we are willing to protect and share with the world. This self-awareness is unique to each of us, and it forms the foundation upon which we build our boundaries. So, take the time to pause, reflect, and embrace the joy of discovering who you are. When you know who you are, it becomes easier to know where you are going safely. As your life coach today, finding ourselves may be challenging with all of the noise today, but the intuitive and long-lasting benefits are far greater!
Embracing Curiosity:
Intellectual curiosity is the driving force behind intentional decision-making. By questioning why we do the things we do, we unlock a deeper understanding of ourselves. Curiosity encourages us to explore our desires, values, and aspirations. It propels us to examine our choices and determine what truly aligns with our authentic selves. So, let curiosity be your guide as you embark on this journey of self-discovery.
Navigating the Challenges:
Creating boundaries requires practice, endurance, and support. Just like building a marathoner’s stamina, it’s a journey that begins early and continues throughout our lives. Start by establishing your individual and partner values and goals, and revise them regularly as you grow. Engage in open conversations, using “I” statements to express your needs and desires. Remember, it’s crucial to allow others to opt-in and respect their boundaries too. Stay clear, consistent, and don’t be afraid to ask for space when needed. Taking the pause is perfectly okay.
By taking the time to actively and intentionally make decisions, we become architects of our own boundaries. We free ourselves from living a life without direction and embrace a joyful existence aligned with our true selves. The power to choose lies within the pause, the space between stimulus and response. So, I invite you to reach out to me, a life coach, for a consultation. Let’s embark on this journey together and design a life that reflects who you truly are.
Remember, it all starts with the PAUSE.
You have choices!
If you are struggling with this, please check out the perspective shifting self-guided journey with the Course for Joy. This content packed series offers you an invitation to finding and giving more joy!
In just 15 minutes a few times each week, our enlightening video lessons and engaging workbooks will guide you through self-discovery and growth.
As a special bonus, when you enroll in the “Course for Joy,” you’ll receive an exclusive 50-minute live 1:1 coaching session with me. We’ll celebrate your progress and create a roadmap for your journey ahead.
Ready to paint your life with vibrant joy and purpose? Follow this link to learn more about the transformative “Course for Joy.” Let’s amplify your joy and ignite your purpose – together. As your boundaries and empowerment coach, we will walk side by side to bring you through the hard things to find and give joy.
In our quest for joy, we often find ourselves entangled in the complexities of life. We frequently experience moments of unhappiness and suffering, longing for a state of joy and contentment.This conversation needs space to explorethe profound distinction between happiness and suffering, delving into the idea that true joy is independent of external circumstances, and that suffering can be transformed into a purposeful journey.
Our human condition, with its deep-rooted memory and intense imagination, can lead us down the path of unnecessary suffering. This is the illusion of suffering. We tend to project our fears and anxieties into the future or dwell on past regrets, causing immense distress. However, it is important to recognize that suffering and happiness are not prerequisites for joy. It is merely a product of our perception and mental state standing in the way of our joy.
Life is a constant interplay between happiness and suffering. While suffering may arise naturally, joy is always within our reach. It is essential to understand that finding this peace is not contingent on external factors. It is a state of being that can be cultivated by acknowledging and embracing the present moment. The challenge lies in consciously choosing how we interact with life despite the circumstances, actively working towards inner peace and contentment. Actively seeking joy.
To comprehend the true nature of joy, we must differentiate it from happiness. Happiness is often dependent on external circumstances, such as achieving goals or acquiring possessions. Whichever it is, we spend a great deal of our resources (time, money, energy, etc.) in an effort to please the expectations we think others hold of us. In this way, we seek approval from our external sources. We think we will be happy when we make others happy even at our own expense. This is the illusion of happiness. On the other hand, joy transcends these conditions. It is a birthright, an innate state of being that can be experienced despite life’s ups and downs. By understanding this distinction, we can liberate ourselves from the limitations of external validation and find lasting joy within.
We often fall into the trap of believing that certain achievements or possessions will bring us lasting happiness. We may think, “Once I get that job, then I’ll be happy,” or “If I earn a higher income, I’ll finally find contentment.” Or we may think, “If I lose those last ten pounds, “ or “If I get the diamond ring,” or “If I just suck it up a little longer…” This is the illusion of more. However, this mindset perpetuates suffering as we constantly seek more, expecting external circumstances to provide lasting fulfillment. True joy arises when we awaken to the present moment, appreciating what we have and embracing the richness of life as it unfolds.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca wisely noted, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” Our minds often create elaborate scenarios of suffering that rarely materialize. By recognizing this tendency, we can alleviate unnecessary suffering and focus on purposeful growth. Embracing practices such as mindfulness, self-reflection, and resilience can help us navigate the challenges of life without succumbing to needless anguish. This results in the opportunity for transformation.
But transformation doesn’t come in a vacuum. In my experience, I had to get out of my own way in order to embrace this idea – the idea that happiness and suffering are inevitable, it’s what we do about it that makes the difference. In so many instances, it was coaching that allowed me to open my mind, but all of this was enhanced by what I absorb, by what I ponder, and by what I read.
Here are some books that have helped me make sense of these ideas that may help you on your journey:
Wisdom Simplified: “The Four Agreements”
Author Don Miguel Ruiz offers a powerful framework in his book, “The Four Agreements.” These agreements—Be Impeccable With Your Word, Don’t Take Anything Personally, Don’t Make Assumptions, and Always Do Your Best—can guide us toward freedom, true joy, and love. By aligning our actions with these principles, we can cultivate healthier relationships, let go of unnecessary suffering, and experience greater joy in our lives.
Embracing Creative Living: “Big Magic”
Author Elizabeth Gilbert encourages us to unleash our creativity and pursue what brings us joy. She advises us to let go of needless suffering, embrace curiosity, and face our fears. By adopting an attitude of playfulness and exploration, we can tap into our hidden potentials and live a more fulfilling life. Gilbert reminds us that within each of us lie unique gifts waiting to be discovered.
The Power of Community: “Tribe”
Drawing from history and anthropology, author Sebastian Junger sheds light on the innate human behaviors of loyalty, inter-reliance, and cooperation. During times of suffering and turmoil, these behaviors emerge, fostering a sense of belonging and unity. Recognizing our shared experiences and supporting one another in times of need can help alleviate individual suffering and create a more compassionate and resilient society.
Happiness and suffering are intertwined aspects of the human experience. There’s no escaping it. While they may be inevitable, it is not a prerequisite for happiness. By cultivating mindfulness, choosing joy in the present moment, and embracing purposeful growth, we can transcend suffering and lead a more fulfilling life. Let us remember that joy and fulfillment are not a destination but a journey we can embark upon right now, empowering ourselves to create a life of true joy and contentment.
If you are ready to take this journey, I am ready to meet you there. Request a consult here!
If you aren’t ready yet, please enjoy the bonus segments of my podcast. It is the Live Joy of Tarot where you get 30 minutes of content-rich conversation between myself and Lisa Trancredi of the Feel Better Group. It will get your mind thinking of how you can build perspective and power to find peace.
We just got back from an incredible trip to Tennessee. The people, the music, the excitement, the family, the time, the joy, and the glorious geography were more than we could have hoped for! We set aside the clocks and the unending to-do list and made space to simply be together which was our goal!
What I didn’t do was maintain the routines I keep in my day to day that support and complement my mind, body, and soul. The exercise, the diet, the meditations, you name it were all shifted or pushed to the side. This is okay. This was intentional. This was what I wanted. But it definitely threw me off my game.
After indulging in a rejuvenating vacation, it’s not uncommon to feel a little off your game upon returning to your daily routine. The transition from carefree relaxation to the demands of everyday life can leave you yearning for that same sense of joy and balance. This is where the magic of a well-crafted morning routine comes into play.
For many years, I wanted to be the kind of person who had a morning routine. I wasn’t. I wasn’t sleeping well, I was drinking too much, I was watching too much stupid TV. I was not making decisions that a person who wants a morning routine would make. So I had to make space for this ritual, but today, it is beyond routine and has become a lifestyle.
This takes dedication and desire, but by dedicating time to nurture yourself in the morning, you can set the tone for the day ahead, infusing it with warmth, joy, and a renewed sense of purpose. Let’s explore the importance of embracing a morning routine, especially after a vacation, and how it can help you get back on track with a smile.
Reclaiming Your Rhythm: A vacation often disrupts our established patterns, and while the break is essential for recharging, returning to our daily lives can leave us feeling disconnected. A morning routine acts as an anchor, helping us regain a sense of rhythm and stability. By establishing a consistent wake-up time and following a series of calming rituals, we create a familiar structure that sets a positive tone for the rest of the day.
Cultivating Mindfulness: Mornings offer a unique opportunity to practice mindfulness, which is especially valuable after a vacation that may have allowed your mind to wander freely. Incorporating activities such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or journaling into your morning routine helps you recenter your thoughts and reconnect with the present moment. This intentional mindfulness helps you appreciate the simple joys of life and enhances your overall well-being.
Nurturing Self-Care: A vacation provides a temporary escape from the demands of everyday life, allowing us to prioritize self-care. However, it’s important to carry that sense of self-nurturing into our daily routines. Include activities in your morning routine that replenish your energy and bring you joy. It could be as simple as savoring a cup of tea, taking a leisurely walk, or engaging in a creative pursuit. Prioritizing self-care in the morning sets a positive tone for the day and reminds you to make time for yourself amidst life’s obligations.
Boosting Productivity: A well-structured morning routine not only enhances your well-being but also boosts your productivity. By starting the day with intention and focus, you set the stage for greater efficiency and accomplishment. Incorporate activities that align with your goals and values, such as planning your day, reviewing your priorities, or engaging in light physical exercise. This proactive approach empowers you to tackle your tasks with clarity and enthusiasm.
Creating Positive Momentum: After a vacation, it’s common to feel a slight slump or lack of motivation. A morning routine infused with joy and positivity can be a powerful tool to combat these feelings. Incorporate activities that uplift your spirit, such as listening to uplifting music, practicing gratitude, or visualizing your goals. These small acts of self-care and positivity create an upward spiral of motivation and optimism that propels you forward throughout the day.
The one step I do my very best not to skip is my morning lemon water. The benefits are many and continued practice will start your day with a little zest!
To maximize the benefits of warm lemon water, it is recommended to enjoy it first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach. Yes, you read that right! Essentially, when your feet hit the ground, their next move is to the warm lemon water. Starting your day with this (and a meditation, breathing exercise, journaling or whatever works for you is a nice pairing) sets the stage for a vibrant and balanced beginning.
Let’s explore the benefits that await you (thank you to ChatGPT for this nicely summarized list⬇️):
1️⃣ Revitalizes and Energizes: The tangy infusion of warm lemon water jumpstarts your metabolism, providing a natural energy boost to begin your day with renewed vitality.
2️⃣ Supports Digestion and Detoxification: Lemon water gently cleanses your digestive system, promoting optimal digestion, and aiding in the elimination of toxins. It stimulates the production of digestive juices, fostering a healthy gut environment.
3️⃣ Boosts Immune System: Rich in vitamin C, lemons fortify your immune system, empowering it to ward off illnesses and enhance your overall resilience.
4️⃣ Hydrates and Rejuvenates: Sip on warm lemon water to replenish your cells and restore vital electrolytes. Adequate hydration contributes to a radiant complexion and an inner vibrancy that shines through.
Here are a few quick instructions I follow:
Do not check your phone or other inputs.
Choose your perfect mug. Mine is used only for my lemon water. It says Mama Bird.
Squeeze the juice of half a fresh lemon into a mug or cup. Any will do, but when I am home, I am partial to one particular mug reserved for this ritual.
Warm some water (not boiling hot) and pour it over the lemon juice. This is not HOT lemon water. This is warm lemon water. Let it be palatable.
Do not check your phone or do the dirty dishes during this time. Simply stay present – breath or stretch or look out a window. Do not check your phone.
Stir gently and allow the flavors to meld for a couple of minutes. Stay present in this. Keep your intention on what you are choosing to do at this moment. Stir with calm attention.
Find a cozy space to sit. You do not need a special pillow or music – you simply need to find comfort.
Sip slowly, savoring each sip and let the lemony essence awaken your senses.
You still have not checked your phone. You savor the tincture and the timeout. You stay intent on a day that has everything it needs.
As you finish, find gratitude for this moment of relief and rejuvenation. Say it outloud.
Wait at least thirty minutes (when possible) before eating or drinking (especially coffee) to let the lemon do its job!
Consistency is paramount! Make this a cherished part of your daily routine to reap the remarkable benefits it offers.
So, as the sun rises, reach for that cup of warm lemon water and relish its goodness on an empty stomach. Allow this simple ritual to become a cherished part of your morning routine, and experience the transformative impact it can have on your well-being.
As you step back into your daily routine after a blissful vacation, don’t underestimate the power of a well-crafted morning routine. By embracing the beauty of mornings and infusing them with warmth, joy, and purpose, you can reclaim your sense of balance and bring back the magic of your vacation. Take the time to cultivate mindfulness, nurture yourself, boost productivity, and create positive momentum each morning. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself thriving in the joy of the present moment, setting the stage for a fulfilling and successful day ahead. So, rise and shine, and let your morning routine be the springboard to a life brimming with possibilities.
Wishing you a refreshing and vibrant start to each day!
Oprah says that we do all things from a place of either fear or love. We know we love the love part, but too often we hate (and therefore avoid) the fear part. Fear isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – it is vital to our survival and exists only to keep us alive. Yes – our cavemen brains still think tigers are going to attack us, and though we aren’t often in a position to be attacked by tigers, our brain’s attention to fear is real and can be pervasive. It is in these times that we need to explore how faith and the willingness to practice can help us confront our fears and live with joy and confidence.
Fear is a natural and necessary part of being human. It’s a programmed, evolutionary defense mechanism that helps us to avoid danger and stay alive. However, fear can also hold us backrestrain us from taking risks and pursuing our dreams. It’s important to recognize that fear is not necessarily a bad thing – in fact, it can be very useful in keeping us safe. But when fear is the only thing driving us, we may miss out on opportunities for growth and fulfillment.
To overcome our fears, we need to have faith in ourselves and in the universe. We need to believe that we have the strength and resilience to face whatever challenges come our way. Faith allows us to embrace uncertainty and to trust that everything will work out in the end. Faith can mean different things to different people – it may be a belief in a higher power, in oneself, or in the goodness of the universe. Whatever form it takes, faith can be a powerful tool in overcoming fear.
But faith alone is not enough. To build faith, we must be willing to practice. We need to be willing to take small steps towards our goals, even if we’re afraid. We need to be willing to try new things and to learn from our mistakes. This is where the concept of willingness comes in. It’s not enough to simply have faith – we need to be willing to take action. It’s often said that action is the antidote to fear, and this is true. By taking small steps towards our goals, we build confidence and resilience. We learn that failure is not the end of the world, but rather an opportunity to learn and grow. We learn that we are capable of more than we ever imagined.
So I encourage you to have faith in yourself and in the universe, and to be willing to practice. Embrace uncertainty and take small steps towards your goals, even if you’re afraid. Believe that you have the strength and resilience to face whatever challenges come your way. It’s important to remember that this is a journey, not a destination. We may never completely overcome our fears, but by having faith and practicing willingness, we can learn to live with them in a way that allows us to pursue our dreams and live with joy and confidence.
With faith and practice, you can confront your fears and live with joy and confidence. You can overcome any obstacle and achieve your dreams. If you need support finding this space for yourself, working with a coach can help you get there. Sign up here for a 30-minute consultation!
May faith and willingness to practice guide you on your journey to joy!
Are you one of those people who suck at sleeping? Are you tolerating the consequences? Good sleep is not an easy feat, and you are not alone. It’s a journey, but one that’s definitely worth it.
I used to be terrible at sleeping. I was tolerating a life without true sleep. I would toss and turn all night ruminating on the troubles of my mind and heart and judging my inability to simply sleep. I was waking up feeling groggy and irritable. But then I made a choice. I chose to see myself as a person who could get better at sleep, and I knew that I was worth it. And with time, patience, and a few tricks, I’ve gotten a lot better at sleeping.
Now, I’m not saying that I have all the answers. I’ve tried all the things, from tracking my sleep to buying all the pillows and finding the right sleep mask. I use a weighted blanket, listen to binaural beats for sleep, choose hot tea over alcohol (most days), wash my face routinely, turn off the screen, pick up a book, and get in bed at a reasonable time (most days). And while these things have helped, the most important factor has been my mindset.
In order to be the kind of person that sleeps well, I had to hold the mindset of a person who sleeps well. It is work. But it is work I will continue to do.
By choosing to prioritize my sleep and seeing myself as someone who deserves quality rest, the benefits are abundant. And you can too! Here are just a few of the amazing benefits of getting a real good night’s sleep:
Reduced stress: Sleep is crucial for regulating cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress. When you get enough rest, you’ll feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed.
Improved mood: When you’re well-rested, you’ll be more likely to wake up feeling refreshed and optimistic. This can help boost your mood and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Avoid sickness: Sleep is essential for a healthy immune system. When you get enough rest, your body can better fight off illness and infection.
Reduced health issues: Poor sleep has been linked to a range of health issues, from heart disease to diabetes to obesity. By prioritizing your sleep, you can reduce your risk of these and other health problems.
Support healthy weight: Lack of sleep has been linked to weight gain and obesity. When you’re well-rested, you’ll be more likely to make healthy food choices and stick to your exercise routine.
Enhanced mental clarity: Sleep is crucial for cognitive function. When you’re well-rested, you’ll be able to think more clearly, make better decisions, and improve your memory.
Improved productivity: When you’re tired, it’s hard to focus and get things done. By prioritizing your sleep, you’ll be more productive and efficient throughout the day.
Better decision-making: Lack of sleep can impair your judgment and decision-making skills. By getting enough rest, you’ll be better equipped to make smart, safe decisions.
All of these benefits support you in achieving your goals, whether it’s in your personal or professional life. As a life coach, I can help you achieve your goals from sleep to relationships to boundaries and beyond through tailored guidance and support.
If you’re ready to feel empowered and take control of your life, I would love to help! Schedule a 30-minute consultation with me, where we’ll have a relaxed conversation about your unique needs and goals from sleep to so much more. I’ll provide you with personalized guidance and support to help you achieve the life you desire. Let’s embark on this journey together!
Are you ready to feel empowered and take control of your life? Let’s start by getting a good night’s sleep! Follow along on social media to get to know more about the work I do! I’m here to support you on your journey, and I can’t wait to help you unlock your full potential. Schedule a 30-minute consultation with me to get personalized guidance and support. Together, we can make your dreams a reality!
Are you tired of feeling like you’re living a life that’s not true to who you really are? Are you ready to embrace your authentic self and show up in the world as the real you? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with finding their true selves and living authentically. But the good news is that there are signs that can help you know when your authentic self is shining through. Here are 7 of them:
1. Boundaries are now your superpower
When you’re living authentically, you know your limits and you’re not afraid to enforce them. You’re able to set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotions, and you’re not afraid to say no to things that don’t align with your values or priorities.
2. Your awareness has been raised around noticing behaviors
Living authentically requires a heightened sense of self-awareness. You become more in tune with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and you’re able to recognize when you’re acting in a way that’s not aligned with your authentic self. You’re also more aware of the behaviors of others and how they may be impacting you.
3. You’re more in tune with your emotional responses
One of the most important aspects of living authentically is being able to express your emotions in a healthy way. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re more in tune with your emotional responses and you’re able to express them in a way that’s authentic and true to who you are.
4. You’re able to hold multiple truths at the same time
Living authentically isn’t about having all the answers or having a single, fixed identity. It’s about being able to hold multiple truths at the same time and allowing yourself to grow and evolve over time. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re able to embrace the complexities of life and hold multiple perspectives without feeling conflicted or confused.
5. You’re ager to learn new things, cultivate deeper connections, and find more peace in your life
Living authentically is a journey, not a destination. When your authentic self is shining through, you’re always eager to learn new things, deepen your connections with others, and find more peace in your life. You’re not afraid to take risks, try new things, and challenge yourself to grow and evolve.
6. You understand that other people’s issues and projections have nothing to do with you
One of the biggest obstacles to living authentically is the opinions and projections of others. When your authentic self is shining through, you understand that other people’s issues and projections have nothing to do with you. You don’t take it personally when someone tries to bring you down or when they don’t understand your journey.
7. You feel a sense of calm and contentment within yourself, and you’re able to show up authentically in all areas of your life
Finally, when your authentic self is shining through, you feel a sense of calm and contentment within yourself. You’re able to show up authentically in all areas of your life, from your personal relationships to your professional endeavors. You’re not afraid to be yourself, and you know that your authentic self is worthy of love, respect, and acceptance.
If you’re struggling to connect with your authentic self, a certified life coach can help you navigate the journey. A life coach can help you identify and overcome the obstacles that are holding you back from living your most authentic life. Remember, the journey to self-discovery is a rewarding one, and you are worth it!
A reflection on Elie Wiesel’s Night and what we can learn today.
It was my first year teaching. At the time, I was very clear that I had a lot to learn about the profession, but I found myself overwhelmed with how much I had to learn from my students.
In a sophomore English class (World Literature), we were reading the ever important Memoir by Elie Wiesel, Night. One motif carried through the narrative is the use of eyes as mirrors and windows to the soul. In a presentation on the topic, one young man finished with this: “If the eyes are the window to the soul, many of us need to open them up, dust them out, and let the fresh air in.”
This sticks with me to this day. I remember my jaw dropping with a dumbfounded sense of awe at the visual he created and the sudden urgency I had to tell every single person I knew to bust open and refresh their souls. This message became one I would teach for years to come, and it has become a baseline belief of the work I do as a Life Coach.
✨When was the last time each of us took note of those cobwebs or distortions to the lenses we use to create our worlds?
✨When was the last time you were clear on what your eyes were sharing about your soul?
✨When was the last time you dusted out the old ways of believing to allow your truth, as it is today, to shine through?
✨When was the last time you gave yourself permission to become the most true mirror of your soul?
I believe that clearing the way for authenticity to shine is the most direct path to individual joy and connection. It is my mission in life to help empower others to find this gem within and share it with the world, and you are personally invited to take the journey with me!
The world is going mad trying to divide us from one another and from ourselves, I would like to invite you back✨
Like the Joy,Inc page across social media @MyJoyCoach to follow along, share it with a friend or family member who needs to turn up the volume on their spirit, and reach out when you are ready to do the same!
Working with a coach can do just this. Together we can open up the windows, let some fresh air in, clear out the cobwebs, and move forward with clarity.
Last week I was asked about finding “ᴡᴏʀᴋ-ʟɪꜰᴇ ʙᴀʟᴀɴᴄᴇ”. I giggled out loud a little bit, for this was one of my first questions to my first coach. I said to her, “I cannot seem to find it. ⚖️ It is hiding from me.”
There was a time in life when I thought I understood balance: It meant equal, stable, deeply rooted, and unperturbed by my conditions. Strong and firm. I wanted to hold on to this idea so much that I got the word tattooed on my left wrist to help me ‘remember’ to stay balanced.
In so many instances of the unfortunate conditions in my life that left me feeling wobbly⚖️, I would look at my wrist and get frustrated at my inability to maintain my balance (the strong and firm one that could withstand anything…gracefully). My inked reminder wasn’t working as it was supposed to. I wanted to see the word, remember the definition, and simply be balanced in the place I was.
When I realized, through work with my own incredible coaches, that balance can only be found within constant motion (the pull between happiness and suffering, work and life, healthy and unhealthy), and that it is my ability (or lack thereof at times in my life) to align with it that allows joy to shine (or joy to wait patiently in the corner), I was changed forever.
We see this dance in the push and pull of every moment between centrifugal force and gravity. It is undeniable that balance and stasis are not the same thing.
It is a reminder that change is the only constant: We can stand firm against it, or we can move with it. In this way, work-life balance (as so many other struggles) simply becomes an inquiry into:
In a safe and judgment free space, we get curious about what drives you toward your goals and what steers you away from your goals. We stretch and hold tight, we look outward and within, we celebrate and we struggle. But we will get you there if you are ready to find the joy within the ebb and flow of life’s conditions.
Until then, to get you started on your journey to embracing the ever changing world of “ᴡᴏʀᴋ-ʟɪꜰᴇ ʙᴀʟᴀɴᴄᴇ” (or whatever you are seeking), I have a few nuggets of gold for you. I did not write this list, but it’s really a great starting point for finding the right balance for your particular work-life needs. A huge thank you to Marisa Sanfilippo, Business News Daily Contributing Writer, for summarizing it so nicely. Read the full article for more insights – they are good! Together, we can tackle all of these:
1. Accept that there is no ‘perfect’ work-life balance.
2. Find a job that you love.
3. Prioritize your health.
4. Don’t be afraid to unplug.
5. Take a vacation.
6. Make time for yourself and your loved ones.
7. Set boundaries and work hours.
8. Set goals and priorities (and stick to them).
Balance is never hiding from us. It is always pulling us in each moment – to find the right balance for that right moment – always knowing it could change in the next. It requires your full involvement as well as your ability to shift and wobble and always seek to re-align.
I didn’t disparage my tattoo as incomplete, but I decided to bring a new reminder to my left wrist – one that recognizes growth and change and adversity and triumph. So I got my #fourlittlebirds (Birdyshaw Family, Party of 4) tattooed above the precious word. Each bird is in its own stage of flight, in its own direction, in its own way heading forward – ever changing. Despite using the same ink to create them, they each have their own shading and appearance – so similar yet so different. My darling Birds remind me that though we move and fly through life, it is the adjustment to the wind that keeps us moving forward✨
And to get to know me better, please like and follow along @myjoycoach ✨
Stay Curious
Good morning! It is always a pleasure to be here in the FBC community but today I feel an extra deep sense of pleasure. I will admit my imposter syndrome is running strong right now. Standing in for Pastor LaThelma. A human for whom I feel a great deal of admiration and awe – Her studies, her practice, her devotion. But I also respect the work she has done as an individual to show up fully as herself – as she was divinely crafted.
Who am I to preach for her – to you? Am I enough?
Though I am ordained through the Universal Life Church online so that I may perform wedding ceremonies for friends and family, and though I find this to be one of the greatest blessings of my life, I still struggle with my enoughness to be here today.
The conflict, I know, is not an external one. I have felt welcomed by Flemington Baptist Church (FBC) since our first visit here just over a year ago. I know I have been called here to this community. We, my family and I, have been welcomed home.
As with most struggles, I wrestled with two contrasting, internal voices.
The first is the voice that has been given permission for much of my life to speak up as truth. The authoritative voice in the back of my head saying, are you enough? The second is the voice I hear calmly, quietly, consistently saying, My darling, of course you are enough.
When I find myself wrestling with a deep voice in my soul and the nagging voice in my head, I know it’s time to call upon vulnerability. It is time to invite God’s love to breathe oxygen into my life and bolster my courage to overcome my fear – to let my curiosity for what I can be to dominate over what I am afraid I am not. It is time to say, I do not have to do this alone. I never do this alone.
Today’s bible passage comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
For when I am weak, then I am strong. This passage reminds us of a few things:
We are to expect hardships in life. Even with God’s love and protection, just as happiness is an expectation – so, too, is suffering.
that we avoid the ego’s nagging refrains by reminding ourselves that we do not have to be perfect but that God’s power is made whole, complete, perfect when we allow the relationship to be one of deep connection – of openness – of weakness.
In another sermon, we will break down my feelings on the use of the word weakness here as definitions matter and our cultural connotation of the word is unflattering, but it is assumed that weakness is the opposite of strength – of showing feebleness. In contrast, the kind of weakness Paul speaks of shows courage and clarity that can only be revealed when we trust. I believe that the weakness spoken of here is intended to say “trust” and this requires an openness – a vulnerability to bring forth our own authenticity – our divine truth.
Fun fact about me, I earned my black belt in Okinawa Kenpo karate when I was 27. I went in thinking I would learn how to fight. What I learned was how to protect myself. How to keep my person and my property safe from danger – from vulnerabilities. What I also learned was balance and peace. The fight stance alone is a contrast.
In this stance – we are solid, hyper-vigilant, and ready for attack. The translation of Karate means “empty hand”, and the translation of Kenpo (Kempo in some variations) means “the law of the fist”. To protect without weapons except for those organic to the body. It is powerful to practice relentlessly to possess weapons within us. There is safety knowing we have the tools and the experience and the courage to protect and feel peace in that security. Our bodies and minds can be truly powerful (and for this training – I am really aggressive when I take Tai Chi classes – LOL)!
Yet even in our most respectful, humble of scenarios, the bow, we never release the burden of protecting ourselves – of eliminating our vulnerabilities. We never lose eye contact. Never look away. Never hand over our power.
Karate taught me how to eliminate my vulnerabilities (physically) and protect. I am grateful.
But we are called to pray. To open up our vulnerabilities. To open up our weaknesses. To hand them over – to trust in god.
In this stance we are safe – but we are burdened if we attempt to take on life and its onslaught of struggles and fear alone.
In this stance, we are safe – unburdened because God has our back.
But the world today can be a scary place.
When I look at the world around me, I am certain that each one of us desires in a desperate manner to be seen – not just to be seen for what the world prescribes – but for who we are truly meant to be. To live fully. To dust off the edges of our gems and shine them for the world. If we believe we are divinely created, then we must never stop seeking this truth. We must always leave room for new oxygen – more growth. Continued change.
We know this, yet we grant permission for our culture to tell a different story of success and belonging. Let’s face it, there are many avenues of influence into our minds, bodies, and souls today, and this weaves a tightly wound, unbreathable corset around our souls. It is narrow – one of judgment. Standardization. Segregation. Intimidation. And scarcity. We are told to conform – to fit in – to withhold what’s inside. We are rarely told we are special and necessary if we are different from the masses, learn and perceive the world in unique ways, or worship a different God in a different manner in a different church with different music and traditions.
I am here today to ask you to reframe your weaknesses – see them as a calling from God to explore your innermost beliefs and interests and desires – to see them as guiding lights drawing out the inner gem within. Know your weaknesses are only your truths asking to be set free. Knowing that when we bow our heads and hearts and lift our hands in supplication that we are allowing God to breathe oxygen into our souls and bring forth our inner majesty.
I am here today to ask you to now see this in others – to allow their weakness to find a space to breathe without judgment.
I am here today to ask you to stay curious. As I have said many times before, I believe that God lives in connection. I believe in the connection between the bees and the trees, and the water and the sand, and the earth and the sky. I believe in the connection between all of god’s creatures and all of god’s creations!
When we look at all that connects us rather than all that separates us and allows connection despite the contrast, we create a space for God to live. When we can open up to this, we can see God’s work alive all around us. And I believe this requires our vulnerability.
In cybersecurity, a vulnerability is a weakness that can be exploited by cybercriminals to gain unauthorized access to a computer system. To combat this, we hire experts to explore and identify the vulnerabilities long before a criminal might crack into the system – subsequently and allow the software and data and safety to breathe and grow. We install firewalls and constantly check and recheck and protect in order to thrive. For this to be successful, the experts must be curious enough to look closely and honest enough to share the truth.
In the humanities, vulnerability is the willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known; willingness to risk being emotionally hurt:
This is the courage to say I love you first, to say I no longer love you first. It is the wisdom to say, I feel alone, and I need support. It is the risk we face everyday to introduce ourselves wholeheartedly to the world.
This is a risk. But is it one worth taking since God’s power is made perfect when we do.
This can be scary. When we do it alone.
But God is our firewall. Our fortress. Our strength.
It is not a weakness to expose ourselves fully, the real risk is withholding the truth. For in doing so, we risk diminishing the light within. Diminishing God’s work and God’s ideas. Restricting connection.
Researcher and storyteller, Brenee Brown, defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
Connection is the energy that exists between God’s creations. It is the energy that exists between people. It is the Holy Spirit at work.
When we consider where we see God at work – God’s hand at play, I cannot help but think of all the magic there is to share. When we are curious, we find God in the connection of music spanning from the Americas to Africa to Australia and bringing forth a chorus of culture and communion. When we are curious, we find new ways to share the message of love and faith with those who are unfamiliar to the gospel. When we are curious, our differences become a new page in God’s book for us to explore. Our differences broaden our knowing of God’s creativity and confidence. Our differences are God’s divine work.
If we build our boundaries constructed by bricks of fear and judgment instead of trusting in God’s firewall, we will eliminate the opportunity to be seen as we truly are – to see others as they truly are, and this makes deep connection nearly impossible. When we carry the burden of hyper-vigilance and fear alone, we disconnect ourselves from our faith and our sanctuary of God’s love.
We must be curious about what God has in store for us. So simply keep your firewall subscription up to date, and all will be fine.
So that’s it, right? Easy peasy –
Wrong. This is not the easiest thing.
In a society that thrives on fear and scarcity, we must remember God’s abundance.
Then stay curious about where to find it.
Because you are safe.
John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
To move through with curiosity and confidence – separating the inner voice of God from the nagging voice of fear – we are set free. And freedom is what we crave. This comes from connection.
I fear that we are struggling as a culture to experience deep connection not only to others but especially to God and to ourselves. To shed light on this, I would like to share a few things with you:
Glennon Doyle’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things”, recently highlighted work published by Australian Palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware. Her “5 Regrets of the Dying” were shared. I was called to this because I, too, have expressed these regrets through life, and I am working to transform their relationship to my happiness and my suffering. In sharing them with you now, I want you to close your eyes and please raise your hand if you have said – or are saying – these things to yourself today.
I wish I had the courage to live life true to myself, not the one others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
If you raised your hand for even one of these, I invite you – as my calling here today – to get curious about the subject. Is it your connection to expectations, work, feelings, relationships, or your inner self that needs your attention? What happens when you ask the question of “am I enough” and God answers, “Of course you are.” Can you hear it? Can you be still and know that you are safe? Can you stand upon your fertile, higher ground, and relying upon the legacy of your roots, can you reach up and out to shine your light? Can you redefine the perceived weakness?
Jesus said “I am the way and the truth”. He said, “follow me. Be curious with me. Trust me.” And God will be your refuge, your road, and your right. The truth is the fertile soil and earth upon which our roots grow deeper and allow the branches to extend up and out. We are strong and stable because of the truth (be still and know) and then we are set free by the truth to seek outward turning over a new leaf(stay curious) knowing we can always return to our core. Our faith. God’s work is ever present.
The thread of vulnerability is woven through each branch welcoming both feelings of being held (not restricted) and being seen as we grow and breathe life into ourselves and others. But we must stay curious. We must allow oxygen to breathe life into our souls.
In this Easter season as we approach Pentecost, we are reminded of the love, the faith, and the dedication that allowed Jesus to face his journey from life to death on the cross. We are then reminded of the love, the faith, and the dedication that defeated death in his resurrection. We are reminded that Jesus never walked alone, and he knew it. He walked each unbearable step in the knowing: He died for it. So that we may be set free. Even in the face of change, danger, opposition, or despair, God is with us just as God’s Holy Spirit held Jesus as he carried hope for you and me on his shoulders. God had his back – just as God has your back and mine.
Here’s the trouble with being a good parent – it’s impossible to get just right when the rules of engagement change every day. Let me lay it out for you:
The expectation in the beginning: I will be the best parent ever. The books I will read will help me do it just right. I learned so much on my journey, certainly I can make the world right for this tiny human. Everyone else has done it perfectly, so surely I can.
The reality: I feel like I am failing. I am too tired. I am not enjoying all of this like I am supposed to. I am not nearly as good as the parents I see around me. I am not enough for my kids.
The hard truth: You are not perfect. You are a parent. You are a human. You are a hero. And you are likely a hot mess.
The real struggle here is to remedy the conflict between who we are trying to be and who we are authentically meant to be. The struggle is to revamp the expectations and be clear on what we will use to measure ourselves.
How do we do it: We identify our values, our goals, and our opportunities. Then we bust out our obstacles.
Why do we do it: The cycle will continue unless we change it, and the cycle can be dark.
The real goal: Let them become who they authentically are (especially in a way that you were never offered). This is where we avoid the ”Encanto Effect”. You know, where each character has a special gift (which sounds totally awesome), but that gift becomes their defining feature and smothers the exploration of other talents and emotions and experiences.
What gifts did you withhold in the name of pleasing others and aligning to their expectations? What gifts are still waiting to be revealed? What gifts can you help your kids explore?
Whose perfection are you seeking?
In martial arts, we practiced the Dojo Kun – the way of being within the dojo and out in the world shared through 5 simple mantras. One was, “Seek Perfection of Character”. What this reminds me is that we are not practicing to be perfect performers. We are practicing to:
SEEK: attempt or desire to obtain or achieve
PERFECTION: the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible. For our purposes today – let’s focus on the process of improving to meet standards of our own choosing.)
of CHARACTER (the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual)
When I sum that up I get this: one must desire/attempt the act of improving the qualities unique to them. This reminds us to open the pathway of their journey, grab some pom-poms, and start cheering them on. The critical answer here is understanding we should each be seeking our OWN perfection only to be found on our own journey which means we have to let them become.
But this is scary. To allow them to become something unknown – to figure life out on their own terms is freaking scary. The thought of letting them struggle or endure sadness is intolerable. The record in my brain kept playing this dreaded tune on repeat: “a good parent makes sure their kids are happy, safe, and comfortable all the time, and you will be a good parent.”
I always told my kids that my job was to protect them. When I began saying it, I deeply meant to protect them from all things bad and dangerous. For my brand new babies, it was quite literally making sure they stay alive. I was comfortable with my proclamation of protection. Then as they grew, I realized it wasn’t just the protection of physical safety I was promising but also I was trying to protect them from suffering. I wanted to keep the monsters not only out of the closet but out of the state, the country, and everywhere. I wanted a life for them free of suffering.
BUT Life is not just made of happiness. The inevitability of life is just this: we will endure both the highs of happiness and the lows of suffering. Neither will remain. Neither can be anticipated. We can only be in the moment and be aware that the next moment changes. My kids will encounter some of the truly deepest feelings of celebration and exultation, and they will be faced with some impossible situations and feelings.
If I block their experience from suffering, I will deny them the necessary opportunity to learn to manage their great big feelings in a way that will help navigate their journey. I cannot buffer them from suffering. That is on them to manage. My job is to instill the desire and the courage to protect themselves, to trust themselves, and to enjoy themselves.
So while it pains me to watch my kids struggle with anything, I also know I want to raise happy, healthy, independent, financially stable, contributing members of society who are unique and sure of who they are. However they choose to do it, I will support them, but I know today that I owe it to them to teach them to find their joy amidst the happiness and suffering as they embark upon this bumpy, beautiful journey.
I won’t tell you it‘s easy – But I will tell you time and again that you can endure it with more joy for you and for them. And I will tell you that I have your back. In this coaching practice, we will dig into what values drive you at your core, what aspects of life you are tolerating, and which resources can be tapped to help you bring your best self back to life. We will do this for you and to help you love the people who count on you!
You don’t have to be a good parent in all the ways and in all the things, but setting your sights on seeking the perfection of your unique character will make you great!
You are worth it, and the world needs all of us to shine brighter.
